![]() Chefs, HR managers, engineers, and executives have all crash-landed in the same ocean as you, but you're the only one who lucked out by landing in the shallows - the kiddy pool of planet 4546B. Glowy PDAs are always discarded nearby, recording nuggets of loss or tragicomedy. They not only function as numbered goody bags under the sea, they’re also little podlets of storytelling. The lumpy metal buckets you find on the seafloor of this aquatic Crusoe sim are great. What do they call themselves? "The Wasps of Cruelty"? They sound reasonable. I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement with the three violent raiders in superstrong body armour who are chasing him. Sure, answer that nudist’s distress call, tell him he is welcome here any time. What’s this on the radio? A 19-year-old pyromaniac nudist who hates lifting heavy objects wants to join our colony? Well, we are a few hippies short of a commune after that blast of weird psychic energy from space made Karen go berserk and kill two of her direct subordinates. When the leader of this expedition finds out the disappeared crew of the Nostromo were already here, his first thought isn’t to find out what happened, but to turn the derelict’s beacon off so nobody else comes to claim the salvage rights. And even though any Xenofan will know exactly what is about to occur, it’s still an exciting tramp through Alien backstory, complete with scummy ulterior motives. There’s a big helmet obscuring your peripheral vision, and tinkly horror sound effects that make you feel like your body is crawling with ants. In the beacon mission of the only good Alien videogame, you traipse across the surface of that windy planet from the movie, using chunky scanning equipment and fuzzy voice comms. (Warning: some spoilers for the games mentioned.) Beacon - Alien: IsolationĪ flashback to a simpler time, when everyone was putting their faces too close to extraterrestrial egg sacs and recording it on their Go Pro. I refuse to acknowledge the longwindedness of this joke, and invite you to read this list article with a similar bullheaded attitude. ![]() Even if the piece of radio lingo “ mayday” has more to do with the French term “m’aider” than the one day per annum on which Morris dancers are allowed out of their cages. Even if the 1st of May is associated with pagan spring festivities, and nothing at all to do with things going badly wrong in space or at sea. May day! May day! It’s May Day, get it? I constructed this list of the 7 best distress calls in videogames so I could make this joke, and I refuse to back down now. Is there something you think doesn’t deserve to be on this list? Comment with your reasons why, and next week it may be struck off. One Off The List is our weekly list feature. ![]()
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